When my wife was dialling the emergency services on the Tuesday night before the EMEIA Institute, there was a loss of feeling that went further than the missing sensations in my right hand side. As she dialled the three digits repeatedly, the pain that had seared from my hip to my foot was replaced with numbness, pins and needles and a loss of feeling. I had an inability to stand. The rest of the night was one of the scariest I've experienced, and by the morning I knew that the numbness in the rest of me was the realisation that I would not be able to board a plane to Amsterdam this year.

Up until that point I knew travelling to Amsterdam was a risk anyway. The spinal damage, diagnosed just a few weeks ago, needs assessing from a spinal surgical team and was serious enough for me to avoid the teachers race at Sports Day (which anyone knows is the title to rival all others). However, I was desperate to attend for a number of reasons.

At Anson Primary School we had been working with a group of children on a powerful story all about tackling knife crime in London. It had taken us to see Government Ministers, to Pinewood Studios and the the Houses of Parliament, and was giving the children's work a platform to influence change makers. I had coined the term, 'create moments that create movement' and I was excited to be sharing this as a Showcase. In a moment that chance to share their voice was gone.

I was also a mentor for a group of new ADEs Matt Warne Sam Scadeng Christopher Wood Rachel Walker and Jacob Woolcock - I really didn't want to let them down at their first Institute, supporting them to get the best from the experience, to meet as many people as possible and give them the connections to make their plans a reality.

And then there was the Board. Being part of the Board is an honour and a privilege. We work behind the scenes to support Peter Ford ensure that everything is in place to make every ADE have a smooth experience. There are a lot of Numbers files on the go, a lot of suggestions and a lot of trying things out. It's a team that I love working with. I was giving them more work by not taking my turn, my place on the rota, my share of the load.

This year was also the first time the iGNITE Team of Martin Coutts Mat Pullen Rachel Smith Deborah Ní Cheallaigh Claire Jones and Eoin Hughes would be in the same place at the same time. We had plans. We were going to 'have a moment'.

It was all gone.

When you are on the inside and suddenly find yourself on the outside it is heartbreaking. When you have a story to tell and no way of telling it you feel powerless. When you have friends who you'd travel across the country to support but see too little you feel awful. But this is the ADE Community. This community is different.

From the moment people knew I wasn't attending I was greeted with so many messages that my phone sounded like my heart beat. Messages of warmth, message of concern, messages of friendship. Laura Dickinson posted on Instagram that "I love the friends you don't see for days, weeks, or months and the bond is still as strong as ever". This is the ADE family. I was genuinely emotional ( a bit of a Southern Softie) about the whole thing, but people were being so kind. Claire Jones Rachel Smith Deborah Ní Cheallaigh Catherine Mangan Daniel Edwards and Joe Perkins all have the ability to raise a smile with a word or an emoji and so do many others.

However, one text from Peter Ford and we were back on. The Showcase would go ahead as a pre-recorded piece. With all the support Bronwyn Desjardins had given me in fine tuning the piece, this was incredible news. In a split second you go from being on the canvas, down and out, to having hope, having a voice and being able to cling to the ropes and share the work of the children. It was a huge silver lining, a golden cloud, a platinum freakin' sky! 

I decided that if I couldn't be at the Institute I would embrace social media and be part of the Out-stitute. There is so much to learn, from so many people. The Sketchnoters, the photographers, the video grabbers and the community of sharers.

There were so many little highlights: Faye Ellis using AR to blow my mind with her favourite book, Alice Nutt creating the most amazing Hogwarts that my 8 year old could not take his eyes off, Laura George green-screening Kermit and Hannah Croskery making her 'note to self - never forget how capable you are'. I was loving the social media of the Institute. I contributed too, supporting my mentor group with Keynote files, sending messages and they returned with 360 degree photos including my face on an iPad. I was receiving messages, photographs, hilarious texts and images of shot glasses from people who are much more than just friends.

Of course there were huge moments that you needed to be in the room for. I'll always know I missed out on Eoin Hughes and Ingvi Hrannar Omarsson going head-to-head in Battlemania, Ana Zamora Arenas completing a Showcase that is unlike anything I've seen before or Jay Welshofer creating in Keynote - but you could feel the energy across the water - you had enough to feel it. A little.

On the final day my Showcase was played to the Apple Distinguished Community. It's an odd feeling knowing your Showcase is playing, knowing people are hearing it, but not being able to hear the reaction. I did not need to worry. The immediate response from the Community was incredible. So many messages of support, so much feedback, so many kind words. I hope it makes a difference. I hope people use the emotion of the story to share the hopes and dreams of their children. They have so much to say - more that we thought they would or should - and at a deeper level than we ever expected.

It isn't the same when your at the Out-stitute. You aren't going to be part of a project. You can't be in the moment. You can't be part of the jokes. You'll always be on the outside. You don't share the memories. You miss connecting with new educators face to face.

You won't laugh in the same way at the Chidonkey equivalent in 2020 or 2021

However, whether you are Class of 2019 (Best Class ever this year) or an Alumni, this is a Community that showed everything that is glorious in the world this week. It is full of special people, with big hearts, who made me feel so positive, provided me with so much energy, so much love and gave me a huge desire to get better and return in the future. For that, I will always be strangely grateful that events unfolded as they did.

You have given a broken body a very healthy heart and I thank you #ADE 2019.The Apple Distinguished Educators Global Institute - Reflections of an Englishman